Okay, don’t get your hopes — or your hackles — up. I do know that that I do know who popped up in your head if you noticed ‘con man’ within the headline. However this column shouldn’t be about that particular person. Sorry to disappoint you, however I do plan to dwell out my full quota of life expectancy.
And I received’t wreck that plan with silly assumptions. Comparable to, as an example, that freedom of expression is protected in Indian democracy. Please don’t suppose I’m insulting Indian democracy — I apologise should you thought I used to be. Dissent could also be protected in India. No, I’m positive it’s. I’ve full religion that our honourable judiciary will come to the help of anybody whose proper to dissent is below menace. For the report, I maintain in contempt anybody who casts aspersions on Indian democracy or its chest dimension.
So my curiosity is sort of real and heartfelt: I actually wish to discover ways to be a very good con man. Why? As a result of I see nothing unsuitable in it. Each period of human civilisation places a premium on sure abilities. Throughout the Stone Age, the power to make use of stones to make fireplace was an enormous deal. Subsequently, throughout the time of Genghiz Khan, the expertise for killing individuals whereas using a horse was extremely prized. Then, across the time of the Industrial Revolution, the expertise for money-making grew to become massively worthwhile.
As we speak, the power to bump somebody off and the expertise for making pots of cash are each extremely prized. However neither will take you far with out the one talent that’s important in our age: getting individuals to imagine something you say. The true mark of a genius con artist is that the wilder his lies, the stronger the individuals’s belief in him. Are you able to see the limitless potential for GDP development right here? That’s why I’m shocked that conning abilities discover no place within the authorities’s Ability India programme.
Even right now, most Indian faculties, excluding those who provide levels in whole political science, don’t expose kids to the alternatives that await these with good conning abilities. Simply to offer you an instance, one among my mates from faculty, who by no means sat for any exams, is now a Senior Vice President at a high consulting agency. He advises firms on the way to minimize prices by sacking individuals, and the charge the businesses pay him for his cost-cutting recommendation is a number of occasions the prices they save by sacking individuals. One other pal of mine, an atheist, is now a profitable godman. He owns 22 mansions in numerous elements of the world and high politicians search his recommendation on when is probably the most auspicious time to topple a authorities or launch a brand new lie.
In all places you flip, profitable con males are ruling the roost and having fun with life. Should you take healthcare and our pandemic response, it’s because of the Covid Speedy Motion Propaganda kits developed by hardworking con artists that we’re repeatedly capable of churn out statistics that may show, even to the WHO, that we’re one of the best.
Chinese language whispers
Or take historical past. India has little by means of recorded historic historical past. However our new historians are so good at their job that right now your complete nation is proud to be a nation whose ancestors invented not solely zero but in addition Botox and Boolean algebra, and owned nuclear-powered hovercraft with missiles that had a spread of 500 mild years.
Should you take geography and geopolitics, India has con males of such calibre that the Chinese language can stroll into your own home, sit at your eating desk, eat up all of your idlis, not sparing even the koththamalli chutney, and also you’ll be like, “Look, our corps commanders and their corps commanders are utilizing compass and divider to attract a circle on the Line of Precise Management that can decide the radius of the buffer zone in Galwan Valley the place India and China will maintain fingers in such a method that Finger four of Pangong Tso will interlock with Finger eight of your proper hand to find out the Quad of the BRI in CPEC in order that the geo-strategic ramifications of the Daulat Beg Oldi Highway in sub-sector North on the japanese finish of the southern tip of the Shyok river, as evident from the satellite tv for pc imagery of the realm between the Indian notion of the Chinese language notion of the Line of Precise Management and the Chinese language contraception of the Indian apprehension alongside the Line of Precise Management show not solely that India, by banning 59 apps, has given China a bloody nostril on its Aksai Chin, but in addition that the Chinese language should not at our eating desk and never consuming our idlis, with or with out koththamalli chutney. And for the report, our eating desk was made in China.”
Now, that’s the talent degree I’m taking a look at. You probably have any ideas on who I ought to rent as my conning coach, do let me know.
G. Sampath is Social Affairs Editor, The Hindu.